How to Handle Life with Equanimity, some thoughts by Manisha Melwani

3 min to read

A person’s spiritual maturity can be measured by the equanimity of his or her mind. The ability to stay calm and balanced no matter what is happening around you demonstrates how much you have grown spiritually.

Think of the Buddha, the Dalai Lama or Pope Francis. They all exude a sense of peace and inner joy that comes from having equanimity.

I recently came across a little booklet entitled, “ The Gita in daily life” written by spiritual master Swami Tejomayananda who is commonly addressed as “Guruji”.

In this booklet Guruji encapsulates the fundamental teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, a spiritual text revered by the Hindus.

He points out that the main watchword in the Gita is equanimity.

In life we have to handle three aspects: things, circumstances and people. How do we deal with each one with equanimity?

Guruji provides the answers…

Handling things

When handling physical objects and possessions, we lose our inner poise when we give undue importance to them.

We often peg our self-worth to the number of fancy possessions and money that we have—the more the better, we think.

Guruji writes a story about a wealthy brother whose sister was very poor. He loved throwing lavish parties but never invited his sister. He was afraid she would embarrass him by coming in her simple clothes and fake jewellery.

Over the years, the sister and her husband slowly built up their wealth through hard work and smart investments. She became very rich.

The brother came to know of her wealth and invited her to one of his parties. She happily went, decked up in her finest clothes and diamond jewellery.

Later, as they all sat down for dinner and were ready to eat, the sister picked up the food on her plate and started to “feed” her necklace, ear-rings and rings. Her brother was appalled at her bizarre behaviour and demanded to know why she was doing that. Had she gone mad?

She coolly replied, “You invited them, not me. So, they deserve to eat.”

We consider some things more valuable than others and allow ourselves to be swayed by them—like the expensive diamonds in this story.

Guruji points out that every thing has its own place, use and value. We should look at each objectively, giving it its due importance. Even small stones have use and value. When building a house, for instance, you’ll need them, and not diamonds.

Handling experiences

When meeting life experiences, we lose our equanimity because we insist on things being a certain way.

We like pleasure, not pain; joy, not sorrow; praise and not criticism or judgement. So, we are delighted when we experience pleasure, joy and praise. And feel distressed when experiencing pain, sorrow and criticism.

But situations are never always what we want them to be. We should be mentally ready to accept what shows up—good or bad.

There is a Sanskrit proverb that says: When something comes, welcome it. When it goes, don’t stop it.

Guruji tells us that equanimity means being free from our personal likes and dislikes. If we don’t hold these preferences, we can remain stable in all situations.

Handling people

We generally like people who have common values and interests with us and have a harder time accepting people who are different. Often, we even try to change them and convince them to act and think like us.

Guruji advises us to stop agonising over why people are the way they are. He gives a beautiful example from nature.

When we enter a garden with many different flowers and fruit trees, we never compare and say, “Why can’t a petunia be like a rose?” Or, “Why can’t a lemon be as sweet as a peach?” We accept and enjoy the diversity of the flowers and fruits and never expect one to be like the other.

Here’s another example: Fire is always hot. We never complain that it’s hot or expect it to be cold. Heat is its very nature. Similarly, there’s really no sense complaining about people. We have to accept people as they are. Doing this keeps our minds poised and peaceful.

There is an old story of the great philosopher Socrates that illustrates his gracious acceptance and equanimity. Socrates’ wife never understood or appreciated her husband’s greatness. She was short-tempered and always complaining about him.

Once, when he was in a serious philosophical discussion with some others in his home, she stormed into the room and started shouting abuses at him. She just wouldn’t stop. Finally, she picked up a bucket of water, angrily poured it over him, and walked out.

Socrates sat there calmly, without any reaction.

When one of the men in the room asked him how he could remain so calm, he answered, ”It’s only natural that thunder be followed by rain.”

He knew her nature and recognised the fact that she didn’t understand him. He simply accepted her for who she was.

Simple but powerful suggestions

The ideas in this article are probably not new to you. But sometimes, it’s good to be reminded of them.

Being able to maintain equanimity when handling objects, circumstances and people by applying these simple suggestions will keep us peaceful and happy. Who wouldn’t want that?

 

Like this post? Sign up for Manisha Melwani’s  free fortnightly Spiritual Solutions Newsletter and receive the latest articles, news and updates in your email inbox!
Go to: www.ManishaMelwani.com

 

Tags: